Wherein Our Heroes lament Canada’s ineptitude at painting lines on football pitches, get excited for BBC’s forthcoming behind-the-scenes look at the goings-on at Watford F.C., and ridicule Cristiano Ronaldo’s feeble attempt at masquerade during a recent visit to Disneyland Paris. Two students spend a lovely evening camped out in the loo at Old Trafford, Firmino’s haircut gets all the praise, and football-related arrests are on the rise. We also commend our Japanese hosts for providing us a little taste of home when we traversed The Land of the Rising Sun…potato salad. Ride it!
Wherein Our Heroes delve into the mailbag and produce a glorious rant of epic proportions from Brendan. Benito Floro and Canada Soccer decide to consciously uncouple, we wonder if Canadian players are getting their fair shake in the MLS, and London Stadium sees trouble both on and off the pitch (Payet’s Rabona notwithstanding). Also, José Mourinho yet again fails to pip Pep.
Wherein Our Heroes dissect CD Palencia’s anatomy kit, award Tesco gift cards to the pyromaniacs at Eskişehirspor, and pay respects to two Premier League sackings. Southampton sneaks into the Europa League, Kei Kamara gets traded after all is said and done, and Vancouver vanquishes Toronto in an MLS barn burner. Also, the Ginger Giant (Alexi Lalas) embellishes the year-old soccer rivalry on both sides of the Hudson.
Wherein Our Heroes roll up their sleeves, pull on their raw Japanese selvedge denim, straighten their bow ties, and debate the efficacy of the Trequartista. Zlatan drops knowledge bombs, Adidas gets all snarky about Manchester United’s style, and we name the definitive “Hipster Starting XI”. Also, Benitez gets sacked, Vardy puts his name in lights, and poor Seamus drinks his own urine – we hear it tastes just like PBR. Oh, and we review some organic, fair-trade, artisanal matches.
Wherein Our Heroes explore why Petr Cech would be moved to eat himself, a star of the Italian Silver Screen rubs up against the business side of football, and Vardy is salty while Mahrez is sweet. We rue the fact that one Monk has no attachments, and Zanetti so easily finds the warm ball. Also, Gazza takes it too far (again) and our hats are off to Ataturk. Tune in next week for our Yuletacular Special!