Wherein Our Heroes reconvene with a vengeance after a month-long hiatus. We respond to our listeners’ requests to weigh in on both the Red Green Show and the summer transfer market. Toronto FC sits on the edge of glory, Lukaku asks Manchester United supporters to stop singing about his member, and Rio Ferdinand continues to take steps to become the world’s next pugilism specialist. Also, Neymar and Cavani seem to have worked it out, for now. Our Nickname For Areola Contest is now officially open!
Wherein Our Heroes examine the cost of pints and pies at each Premier League ground, and find most clubs are woke. Chelsea have no chill on opening day, while Manchester United are in beast mode. Sheffield United and Middlesbrough supporters leave us salty. Respeck #blessed
Wherein Our Heroes provide an update on the Cassano saga, celebrate Manchester United’s new fan-designed third kit, and offer predictions on how many goals Chicharito will score for West Ham in the coming season. Kenedy is sent home after major social-media gaffes, earning this week’s Joey Barton Award. Also, MLS rejects a massive broadcasting rights deal in the name of preserving a system without promotion and relegation, and Jason attends the latest Cascadia match in Vancouver.
Wherein Our Heroes reveal the latest celebrity Arsenal supporter (hint: he lives on Pennsylvania Avenue but his father doesn’t). Wandrille Lefèvre is suspended for a troubling social media post, John Terry announces he’ll be leaving Chelsea at the end of the season, and Manchester United see off Conte’s men, making West London squirm as the race for the title tightens like Denise Bueno’s Official Brazilian Sunday League Standard Issue Uniform. Also, Bayern are on the wrong end of some dodgy officiating against Real Madrid and we discuss the return of HBO’s The Leftovers and the world’s latest podcast sensation, S-Town.
Wherein Our Heroes praise Southampton for their efforts in the EFL Cup Final against Manchester United. Crystal Palace’s supporters idiotically vandalize their own club’s coach, Pogba and Fàbregas both achieve incredible milestones, and the right-sleeves of several Premier League clubs look set to be adorned with adverts next season. Also, Claudio Ranieri is finally cut loose by the brass at Leicester; was player power to blame, or Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway?
Wherein Our Heroes yet again throw shade at the MLS, but only because we love the league so much. Seattle triumphs over Toronto FC in an MLS Cup Final that can only be described as a bit of a snoozer. Atlanta United and Minnesota United FC flesh out their rosters through the MLS Expansion Draft, Joey Barton is added to the Burnley F.C. WhatsApp group, and José Mourinho brings the lads in for a training session on Christmas Day. Also, we assert our sovereignty over The North Pole, and confirm Santa’s identity as Canadian once and for all.
Wherein Our Heroes lament Canada’s ineptitude at painting lines on football pitches, get excited for BBC’s forthcoming behind-the-scenes look at the goings-on at Watford F.C., and ridicule Cristiano Ronaldo’s feeble attempt at masquerade during a recent visit to Disneyland Paris. Two students spend a lovely evening camped out in the loo at Old Trafford, Firmino’s haircut gets all the praise, and football-related arrests are on the rise. We also commend our Japanese hosts for providing us a little taste of home when we traversed The Land of the Rising Sun…potato salad. Ride it!
Wherein Our Heroes express their desire to procure Petr Cech’s latest designer headwear, celebrate the very first green card awarded in Serie B, and discuss PSG’s latest big signings (aka their eSports team). Chelsea simply decimate Manchester United on Mourinho’s return to Stamford Bridge, The Special One has some choice words for Antonio Conte post-match, and Zlatan still finds time to flash his pearly whites despite it all. Also, we get whimsical thinking about the days of getting cussed out in Spanish by whippersnappers.
Wherein Our Heroes are simply shocked at the omission of Iceland and the Viking Clap from FIFA 17. We carefully appraise the merits of gaffers singling out their players in the media and aren’t havin’ it. Manchester United’s woes continue; is it the low work rate, players in unfamiliar roles, or blind devotion to aging stars? Landon Donovan is the next to live “The Great American Sports Comeback”. Also, Joey Barton FINALLY wins his eponymous award and joins the ranks of “The Joseph Anthony Barton Highfaluting Gentlemen’s Club”.
Wherein Our Heroes delve into the mailbag and produce a glorious rant of epic proportions from Brendan. Benito Floro and Canada Soccer decide to consciously uncouple, we wonder if Canadian players are getting their fair shake in the MLS, and London Stadium sees trouble both on and off the pitch (Payet’s Rabona notwithstanding). Also, José Mourinho yet again fails to pip Pep.