Wherein Our Heroes put to bed our infatuation with Stranger Things 2, once and for all. Toronto FC bid to become the first MLS franchise to win the domestic treble, but don’t look all too convincing leading up to the MLS Cup Final. Wayne Rooney scores a cracker from half, Fellaini and Rüdiger suffer from boot problems (with differing attitudes), and Ronaldo gets the bust his handsomeness deserves. Also, inspired by Gareth Bale, we chat about our hypothetical preferred wedding entertainment.
Wherein Our Heroes celebrate an unstoppable Real Madrid, first-time repeat holders in the Champions League era. Aaron Ramsey purchases a classy abode in Wales, complete with helipad and golf course. John Terry reveals some of José Mourinho’s more unsavoury management methods, Washington Square FC are lauded for their choice of shirt sponsor, and Roy Larner is extolled for his bravery in the face of the recent attacks in London. Also, Adam aces a Canadian Citizenship Test, natch.
Wherein Our Heroes lament Canada’s ineptitude at painting lines on football pitches, get excited for BBC’s forthcoming behind-the-scenes look at the goings-on at Watford F.C., and ridicule Cristiano Ronaldo’s feeble attempt at masquerade during a recent visit to Disneyland Paris. Two students spend a lovely evening camped out in the loo at Old Trafford, Firmino’s haircut gets all the praise, and football-related arrests are on the rise. We also commend our Japanese hosts for providing us a little taste of home when we traversed The Land of the Rising Sun…potato salad. Ride it!
Wherein Our Heroes engage in copious amounts of Irreverence: Anthony Stokes garners an illustrious Joey Barton Award for pleading guilty to assaulting an Elvis impersonator, Usain Bolt decides to train with Borussia Dortmund, Víctor Valdés is praised for his moxie for taking on Tinder, Cristiano Ronaldo sports faux specs and provokes the ire of his club, and four Manchester United rebels earn Haircut of the Week for ensuring their tufts are in order before the big match. Also, we offer a musical surprise, Adam gets a NES Classic, and The Gaffers add to their ever-growing list of (empty?) promises.
Wherein Our Heroes recap Europe’s quadrennial showcase by offering kudos to Portugal and their yeoman-like effort in both the group stages and the Euro 2016 Final. Ronaldo’s tears turn from those of desolation to cocky joy; does this give him a leg up on Messi? Did France’s best show up for the ultimate match after carrying a whole nation on their epaulets? We salute the young players who turned heads, Ricardo Quaresma’s olive branch haircut, and the Irish supporters who brought the craic in droves. Also, we continue to question whether the 24-team format adds anything other than too many draws.
Wherein Our Heroes swim in a deluge of topics, including Ronaldo’s “tighty whities” in Real Madrid’s post-Classico team photo, Erin McLeod’s recent injury misfortune, and Remi Garde’s demise at Aston Villa. Bad MLS Comics aren’t really all that bad but our first female Joey Barton winner’s recent behaviour is (sorry Abby Wambach). We debate Antonio Conte’s recent appointment as Chelsea manager and the etiquette of good sportsmanship on the pitch. Also, we are Cabo!